Through A Monk's Eye
by Frenzied Nerves
Summary: *ERRORS FIXED*Episode 31: Why do Chichiri and Tasuki start hanging out all the time after this? Hear a monk`s thoughts and what occured that night in Hokkam. One-shot ficlet. ^.^ R&R please! 1st FY fic! Implied yaoi.


Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yugi  
  
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A/N: Ever wonder why Tasuki and Chichiri suddenly started hanging around each other so much during the remainder of the show after episode 31? Well...this probably didn't happen but I just kinda came up with it. ^.^ Enjoy and R&R if ya have time, no da! Oh yeah...and the characters are OOC for a reason so don`t panic! This is a one-shot fic for my pleasure. Hopefully it amuses others as well...  
  
This occurs in Hokkan...in Chichiri`s POV when he is sitting outside...  
  
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Through A Monk`s Eye  
  
  
I can`t say that I understand what I am feeling right now. I can`t help it. Ever since he took such a beating by the hands of Tamahome, I`ve felt this need. This desire...to be by his side and make sure that something like that doesn't happen again.  
  
`Why should I care, no da?`  
  
Yeah. Why should I care? He`s one of my fellow seishi. One of the Suzaku Seven. We`re warriors. We can take care of ourselves, right? Besides...tough guy like him would just scoff and tell me that he can take care of himself.  
  
`He doesn't need me, right?`  
  
Right. He doesn't need me. He gets along so well with the others. He and Nuriko have become fast friends. I can`t say that Tamahome`s relationship with him has gotten worse. In fact, they seem to get along just fine. Sometimes I wonder just what Tasuki thinks every time that he remembers what happened.  
  
`He probably doesn't`t care...so shut up, no da!`  
  
I suppose that a guy with a brash and fiery attitude like his would be able to get over something trivial since he did live through it...yet...he`s very sensitive. Things like that hurt him deeper than I or anybody else could ever understand...will ever understand. I think that he`s hiding his true emotions most of the time. I wonder...does he cry easily? Does he cry at night when nobody`s looking? Does he have some ark secret that keeps him up at night?  
  
`Does he...like I do?`  
  
Yeah. I cry. I cry all the time. Of course no one knows. I put on that happy face of mine and keep the jokes coming. I pull pranks to make me feel like I belong.   
  
Do I belong?  
  
I may be one of them...but when this all ends...will we all want to see each other again? Will anyone care what happened to the always cheerful, carefree monk? Will anybody care at all what he has to hide behind that mask?  
  
`I`m drifting again...`  
  
Oh yeah, no da! I`m letting my thoughts wonder again. I need to stop being so hard on myself...but it`s so hard to not be without anyone at my side. There`s no one here to pick up the broken pieces of my shattered life. I`m losing pieces that I don`t think I can pull together myself.  
  
`You want him here.`  
  
Shut up! Why would I want him here?...Oh yeah. That`s right. I...no. I won`t say it. I can`t say it to another person...after Kouran...Gods! Why is it so hard to get over this feeling? I need to get a hold of myself! This can`t happen! It won`t happen! It`s wrong! It`s wrong!  
  
`It doesn't`t feel wrong to you, does it, no da?`  
  
No. No...it doesn't feel wrong. It never did...since the first moment that I laid eyes on him. It was just a fast friendship...until that fight...he could have die...and I couldn't do anything about it. What kind of friend am I? He was just getting himself kicked around and I did nothing. I could have! I should have! I...  
  
"Chichiri, what in hell are ya doing out here?"  
  
`Oh Suzaku...give me strength...`  
  
I listen to the heavy thumps of his boots behind me along the ground until he is sitting beside me. My heart is pounding. I can`t get it to slow down.  
  
`Because you don`t want it to.`  
  
I inwardly scream at my voice to shut up. The fiery bandit at my side chuckles.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I-I....of course, Tasuki-kun, no da! I`m perfectly fine!"  
  
I can't help but catch that look he gives me. Amusement. He doesn't believe me.  
  
`That`s because you are a horrible liar.`  
  
"Chichiri?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
Adjusting the position I am sitting in, I pull slightly closer to the bandit. As I await his response, I can`t help but linger over the handsome curves of his cheeks and the glitter of his golden eyes. His broad shoulders reminded me of the muscle that he had underneath his heavy coat. My cheeks flare up and I find myself thankful for the smiling mask on my face.  
  
"...Are you lying to me?"  
  
That is unexpected. My mind whirls into a panic. I fidget, tugging at the bottom of my pants and fiddling with a blade of grass. The tree above us sighs.  
  
`Does he know?`  
  
"No, Tasuki, no da. Why would I lie to you, no da? You are my friend, no da."  
  
My voice sounds strange. It is odd to hear lies like this crossing my lips. Normally I do not lie to anyone...especially to him. Well...I don`t know him that well...but ever since we first met...  
  
"I believe you...for now." Tasuki replies much to my relief. I flush when his hand comes up to touch my shoulder. He pulls slightly closer.  
  
"I...uh....I-I thanks, no da!" I sputter.  
  
`Man, that was lame, no da!`  
  
"No problem."  
  
He lets go of my shoulder. Silence begins to form between us.  
  
"It feels better out here than it does inside." Tasuki said, suddenly breaking the silence. I sweat drop as my blush creeps back up on me.  
  
"Uh, yeah, no da!"  
  
"The wind...it sounds peaceful."  
  
"Hai."  
  
He breaks out into laughter. The sound of it makes my heart leap.  
  
`Why do I feel this way? Why does it have to happen to me?`  
  
His laughter ends abruptly. I already miss it.  
  
`This really doesn't`t sound like me. Maybe that`s because I hide behind this mask.`  
  
I suddenly want to take it off. Reaching up, I tug at the corner of my mask and pull it off. I feel Tasuki tense up at my side. That`s right...he never really got to see me up close without it.  
  
`Will he ask me about it? Will I have to explain?`  
  
"You should go without your mask more often. Ya look better that way."  
  
I haven`t heard such words from this loudmouth young man before. He always came off as someone who thought little of things like this. He never acts this way before...not that I have noticed before. Maybe I shouldn't be judging him so quickly...especially when I...  
  
"Chichiri..."  
  
He reaches a hand over and snatches my chin in his left hand. Feeling my face exposed, I manage to jerk my head to the side for a moment. Carefully he turns it back to face him. His golden eyes are strange to me now. I`ve never seen them shine like this before.  
  
"Stop hiding. It only gets ya into trouble."  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Why do you were that mask any ways?"  
  
`Oh Suzaku...why me?`  
  
"It`s complicated. You wouldn't understand."  
  
I drop the "no das" for the time being. I can feel my eye welling up with tears.  
  
`I`m going to cry in front of him! I can`t do that! I can`t! But..."  
  
With his index finger, he wipes at the tear forming in my right eye. He moves that finger over to run along my scar. I try to pull away but I can`t. The smell of his skin is intoxicating.   
  
"Tasuki...let go..."  
  
"Why does it hurt ya so much...for someone to actually care what happened?"  
  
This definitely is not the Tasuki that I have been travelling with. He, Nuriko and Tamahome have raised so much trouble that you would not suspect. I hate to say that he is a major baka but...  
  
"There are things that...I can`t tell you...."  
  
"Not yet...not yet..." he finishes. My heart is beating fast again. His finger lingers on my scarred visage then he lets go of my face. I miss his warmth already.   
  
`I need...someone to hold me...someone to care...`  
  
I pull closer until our shoulders press together. He doesn't`t say anything. Instead his arm comes up and wraps around my shoulders.   
  
`I can`t breathe....`  
  
Amazing...that a simple gesture like this could make me lose my breath. His warmth revitalizes the aches in my bones and the hole in my heart doesn't`t ache so much anymore. I pull a little closer. It`s only a centimeter or two but it is worth it to be cradled. Comforted. Cared for.  
  
"Don`t worry, Chiri. I won`t let go....not ever. No matter what...I'll still be here when this is all over."  
  
"...Ahhhh."  
  
"We should travel together...just you and me...after all of this is over. What do ya say?"  
  
"...Okay...no da."  
  
"No da..." he whispers. Just as I feel my strength weakening and my head begins to fall against the broad curve of his shoulder, footsteps stop me. Tasuki lets go of me and I am allowed to reluctantly drag myself away from him. I slip on my mask. We wait as Tamahome comes running up. I vaguely recall him looking for Miaka or something but his presence is unknown to me after he leaves.  
  
`I can`t focus...`  
  
I stand up. With that silly grin on my face, I turn.  
  
"l'll see you in the morning, Tasuki-kun, no da! You better get some rest too, na no da!"  
  
My cheerfulness disgusts me. It`s just for show now any ways. I want to be honest with him. I do...but...  
  
"You`re right as always! See ya in the morning!" he bellows. He sounds normal again...back to his brash self. I smile as I take a step. His hand is once again on my shoulder. We stand very still. It feels like a millennia as I feel his face moving closer. His lips brush the edge of my right ear.  
  
"We will travel together...just the two of us. I swear."  
  
His accent drops when he`s serious. I just realize this as he walks past me. He looks over his shoulder at me. His face is unreadable. He grins that foolish grin then runs off towards the hut that he slept in.  
  
I smile.  
  
`Tomorrow will be different...`  
  
I make my way back to my hut. Somewhere in my chest, my heart begins to reknit itself and the pain lessens.  
  
  
  
  
***Hai...not great but I was thinking about doing something like this with implied Tasuki/Chichiri yaoi. Hey! We don`t know if this happened! Tamahome interrupted! ^.^ Any who...good? Bad? Don`t say it sucks though...that`s rude....This was a one-shotter! Hehehe....*sweat drops* Yeah...OOC for a reason in this story. Notice how they mention not being themselves so HA!!! 


End file.
